Sabbatical - Month 4

Prabhdeep Gill

01 May 2024 — 4 min read

Passion Paralysis

This month began with me feeling overwhelmed and unsure about how to allocate my time among my various interests. Despite being excited about the array of hobbies available to me—piano, magic tricks, reading, house projects, squash, and more—I felt paralyzed by indecision about where to start. Sonya suggested I narrow my focus to a few key activities within each area of my life, which provided the structure I needed. I organized my interests into categories like Training, Restore, Sport, Build, Admin, Home, Play, and Soul, then followed my gut to choose the activities that excited me the most within each category. For instance, in the Play category, I've decided to concentrate on Piano, Travel, and Reading for now. By focusing on these specific activities, I believe I can make more meaningful progress, as Cal Newport explains in this video.

Finding My Carrots

I found myself slacking off on stretching, cardio, and maintaining a consistent early morning routine recently. While I recognize the benefits of these activities, drumming up the motivation to stick to them has been a challenge. To counter this, I've introduced incentives or 'carrots' to help me stay on track. For instance, golf has become my motivation to rise early on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The excitement of playing makes the pre-game stretching a worthwhile trade-off. Similarly, I use the Peloton during activities like listening to podcasts, taking phone calls, or watching TV, which makes the exercise feel less monotonous and helps time fly. The initial step into a cold plunge still sucks; my current strategy to overcome this is blasting one of my latest favorite songs to get pumped.

The Ripple Effect

Connecting and discovering new music with Sonya, Shagu, Am, and Sophia at Coachella was fantastic (pic). Being away from my usual environment often clears my mind, allowing me to delve into deeper subconscious thoughts. I frequently ponder how to make a meaningful societal impact, a value instilled during my childhood as I watched my parents selflessly help others. My tech/startup mindset typically pushes me toward large-scale initiatives, but Am reminded me of the importance of smaller, daily impacts—especially with my children. I am a significant character in THEIR childhood, and showing up in the best way possible for them is crucial. Being a present, attentive father not only shapes my children's lives but also extends its influence outward through their interactions. This insight was underscored when Sophia mentioned that she decided to come to Coachella after learning we were going from last month's post—a perfect example of the unexpected ripple effects our actions can have through life.

Tackling Negative Thoughts

I love learning from my therapist. Recently we discussed how to manage recurring negative thoughts like, "Is this the last time I’ll see my kids?". This fear of death for me really stems from understanding how our brains work—apparently, 80% of our thoughts are negative. Our brains are designed to bubble wrap us, a necessity from an evolutionary perspective since early humans needed to be constantly vigilant to survive. We explored why these fearful thoughts arise and strategies to manage them:

Reframe: What deeper value triggers this thought? For me, it’s the importance of being there for my children.
Availability Heuristic: We often overestimate the likelihood of events based on our immediate memories or experiences. For example, hearing about a young person's unexpected death may skew our perception of its likelihood. For me, I can probably trace the root of this fear to my grandfather passing away when my dad was 14. Reminding myself of actual statistics can be helpful.
Physical Soothing: Similar to soothing a baby, finding physical actions like touching my neck or hand can help calm the nervous system.

Understanding that negative thoughts will come and go is helpful, but now I have effective tools to mitigate their impact on my daily life. A favorite quote of mine that captures this beautifully:

“Worrying means you suffer twice.” – JK Rowling

I remind myself that whatever challenges arise, my loved ones and I have the resilience to face them when the time comes, so there's no benefit to suffering in anticipation.

Fun Highlights

Sach’s 75th Birthday Party: An incredible high celebrating someone I deeply respect and admire with friends and family.
Zuri’s Birthday: She’s four now! We've started teaching her to ride a bike (video). Very cool to see the process of these little humans picking up life skills.
Nika Potty Training: The excitement to be able to finally go on the toilet like her big sister is priceless. Her speech is also picking up, my favorite line right now is "Dada wook (look)!"
Learning Piano: No formal lessons yet, been watching quick tutorials for songs I enjoy and then I try to re-create it (Still D.R.E, Blinding Lights, Insane, Happy Birthday to Zuri). This pressure-free approach has made learning more enjoyable and effective for me.
Go Place Spa with Mom: Spending a day relaxing and having deep conversations was rejuvenating.
Volleyball: I've started playing weekly again. This was the highlight of my week in SF, and I’m excited to recapture some of that joy.
Dada/Daughter Date at the CN Tower: Spending one-on-one time with Zuri, answering all her curious questions and simply enjoying being together was special (pic).

My mind sometimes wanders to what comes after this break, but then I remind myself not to borrow problems from tomorrow—instead, I focus on enjoying the break. Inspired by Michael’s example (video), I'm committed to taking at least a year off, open to extending it if it feels right. I’m learning to focus on the present, cherishing the people and activities that fill my days right now. As I try my best not to worry about the future, I remind myself: