A Year Off: What I’ve Learned About Life, Work & Myself

A year ago, I stepped away from work completely. After 15+ years of grinding, it felt kind of crazy to just stop. I had no grand plan—just a feeling that I needed space to reset, explore, and figure out what truly mattered to me.

Looking back now, this past year has been one of the most meaningful of my life. Not because I did anything groundbreaking, but because I gave myself permission to just be. To let go of old narratives, challenge ingrained patterns, and redefine how I want to live moving forward.

Living a Life Aligned with My Values

One of the biggest shifts this year has been actively living in alignment with my values. It’s easy to say that health, connection, and growth are important to me, but if my daily actions don’t reflect that, do they really matter?

I started making intentional choices—how I spend my time, who I give my energy to, and what I focus on—all based on what actually brings me fulfillment. Instead of chasing external validation, I started asking:

• Does this decision align with what I truly care about?
• Is this adding meaning to my life or just filling time?
• Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I feel like I should?

One of the most powerful ways I’ve kept myself in check is through weekly reflections and setting intentions. Journaling daily felt like too much, so I found a system that works for me. Every week I spend 30 mins to:

1. Reflect on last week’s intentions: What went well? What didn’t? Why? What do I want to adjust?
2. Set new intentions for the important areas in my life — Sonya, kids, hobbies, learning, relationships, etc.

Saying No & Setting Boundaries

Related to living a life aligned with my values, I see how important it is to protect my energy.

• Not everything requires my time.
• Not every opportunity needs a yes.
• Not every person deserves full access to me.

Saying no isn’t just about turning things down—it’s about saying yes to the things that actually matter. This also meant working through my fear of judgment. I used to care way too much about what others thought, which, as humans, we all do to some extent. But I’ve also realized that most of the time, people aren’t judging you—they’re actually judging themselves.

Understanding Myself: The Power of Self-Awareness

This year, I spent a lot of time understanding myself better through various forms of therapy, and it’s been one of the most valuable things I’ve ever done. I started to unpack how my childhood shaped the way I move through life today.

One of the biggest realizations? Schemas. These are deeply ingrained patterns we develop in childhood that shape how we experience relationships, work, stress—everything. They’re not permanent, but they can run your life if you’re unaware of them. For me, my strongest schemas are self-sacrifice and unrelenting high standards:

• I tend to put others’ needs ahead of my own.
• I feel the need to be the best at everything I do.

There are pros to both, but in extremes, they can create suffering. Learning to recognize them has helped me set boundaries, communicate my needs, and stop putting so much pressure on myself. With more self-awareness, I can better understand why I react the way I do and stop running on autopilot. I can start choosing how I want to show up.

Health: The Ultimate Investment

Reading Outlive shifted my perspective on healthspan—not just living long but living well. It made me realize that taking care of my body now is one of the greatest investments I can make, ensuring I can show up fully for the people I love for as long as possible.

I wrote about my habits earlier, but over the past month, I’ve doubled down—cutting out sugar and alcohol, and adding cold plunge + sauna 3x/week. My body feels better than it has in a long time.

It’s not about being perfect—just consistently taking care of myself. When I feel good physically and mentally, I can channel that energy into everything else—learning, building, advising, relationships, and simply enjoying life.

Attention Is the Most Important Currency

I’ve realized that attention is everything. Where I put my focus directly impacts the quality of my life. Every app, every notification, every dopamine hit is competing for my attention. This year, I made huge changes:

• No social media. No notifications. No unread badges on my phone.
• No doomscrolling, no random news, no wasted distractions.

If I check my phone, it’s intentional—not because something external told me to. It’s been empowering to reclaim my attention. My mind feels clearer, more present, and more focused than ever.

Redefining Productivity & Time

I’ve spent decades defining my worth by how much I get done. This year, I let go of that. I still get things done, but at a pace that lets me enjoy the process instead of just trying to check things off a list. The to-do list will never end. Not everything needs to get done this week or even this year. The important things always get done. Everything else? It can wait.

The Power of Hobbies & Making Progress Over Time

One of the biggest lessons? Hobbies add meaning to life in ways I never fully understood before. I used to think of them as side activities—things you did if you had extra time. But this year, I’ve seen firsthand how having something to pour my energy into outside of work gives me a deep sense of fulfillment. It’s not about being productive—it’s about feeling alive.

For me, that feeling comes through golf and piano. Before I started either, I doubted whether I’d ever be good at them. But in just half a year, I’ve made more progress than I ever expected. They’ve shown me how small, consistent effort compounds over time. I now truly believe that with a little practice every day, I can do anything.

Let Go of the Stories You Tell Yourself

I’ve caught myself in so many limiting narratives this year.

• “I’m just not good at golf today.”
• “I don’t have the creativity to build something new.”
• “I’ll never be able to play this song on piano.”

None of these are true, they’re just stories I was telling myself. And every time I challenged them, I proved myself wrong. I saw this play out on the golf course so many times—thinking I wasn’t “on” that day, only to drop that narrative and suddenly start hitting great shots. It’s a reminder that we are capable of so much more than we think.

Accepting the Duality of Life

One major takeaway from the silent meditation retreat was that everything in life comes with good and bad.

• Relationships bring love and challenges.
• Work brings purpose and stress.
• Kids bring joy and exhaustion.

I used to resist the “bad,” wanting everything to just be good. But now, I see that you can’t have one without the other. True peace comes from accepting both—not fighting reality, but flowing with it.

Looking Ahead

This past year has been about detaching my identity from work, reconnecting with myself, and finding joy in the things that truly matter. For 2025, I want to:

• Build again, but in a way that feels fun, sustainable, and aligned.
• Follow what lights me up instead of trying to plan the “perfect” path.
• Operate from a place of abundance, not scarcity—from love, not pressure.
• Continue deepening my relationships, health, and inner work.
• Show up fully present for my family and the people who matter most.

I’m stepping into this next chapter with a sense of trust—trust in myself, in the process, and in the unfolding of life. I don’t have everything figured out, but I don’t need to. The best things have always come from following what excites me, staying open, and taking the next step.

Here’s to another year of growth, curiosity, and living fully.